I’m so sorry I haven’t posted anything in the past few weeks, but with everything that has been happening, I just want to take a moment sit and write about it.
So after posting to you guys that I was on a plane, I had a few posts on queue, I didn’t write anything else. The trip was different than I expected, wasn’t as easy as I thought. Leaving all my life, friends and all I know, my entire reality, behind sounds hard but it is even harder after I did. I wasn’t forced to do anything, I mean every since I was 15 I told my parents “when I turn 16 I’m going to California”, obviously that didn’t happen, after that for a few years I said, “I’m going to N.Y”. And when I turned 17 I started to look for universities in Europe that had the course I wanted to. After a few days of research, I realise I didn’t know enough French to go to France, and I didn’t know any other language, so I focussed myself in universities in England.
After finding the perfect unis was I real fight, I had to study harder, focus more, and some people tried to push me down, some said I was dreaming too high, but I just had to keep going, finally I got my first feed back from one of the unis saying they wanted an interview! After that I received some no’s and some yes’s, it wasn’t just rainbows, unicorns and butterflies. It was a big journey, the kind you have to do alone and barefoot.
But I got it! I was in! I had everything I always dreamed of, but I was still there, still in Portugal. I spent my entire summer proud of myself, proud of my achievement, on my tip toes to get to England. To finally have it in my hand and shout “I did it!”. But I just didn’t realise how hard it was going to be.
On the day that I had to catch the plane, I just felt like I couldn’t do it, it wasn’t what I asked for, I realised how much I was going to give up on to get my dream. It’s true what they say, “you have to give a bit of your soul to the devil to have what you want”, I had to give up on my concept of “home”.
For the next week, my first week in England I was sick, I couldn’t eat, do anything basically, started to doubted my self, “is this really what I want?” “Do I really deserve to be here?”, I asked myself 3000 times a day. I went to the doctor and apparently I was really sick, with a virus, and the fact that I was sick put me down, so I gave it another week, still wasn’t feeling that well but was better. I started to meet new people, learn new stories.
The first official uni day arrived and it was so fine, everyone was so nice, everyone was on the same boat, finally I started to get along with new people, and it was so fine, I wasn’t sick anymore and in the middle of my second week here I got internet so I started to talk with all my friends and family, filling them with news, and listening to their news.
And I finally got time and the internet to make a post, to blog again. I’ve been here for a month and I’m starting to fill like I’m at home, still adjusting my routine, getting used to British costumes, getting it all.
Finally, in this huge post, I just wanna give you a few words of advice; when I got here I got loads of phone calls saying “be strong”, “you can do this”, “real proud of you”, but every single one felt like people were expecting something, maybe they weren’t but that’s what it felt like. Until I got this phone call from my aunt, she also moved from Portugal when she was 18 and she called me saying “I know you feel like you are so far from your parents, but I was further away than you, no internet only a phone call a day, it was hard but it made me grow, and I know you can do it as well, cuz you are strong, sure you will make food for a million people, it’s all new! But pity the ones that can’t take that step, and not yourself, because these little things make us women and adults. Take it all in. Enjoy and have fun, your close to the world, close to being an adult.” So basically if you ever feel like you can’t do anything, try, do it, and remember that you can ALWAYS get back, as my dad said “the plane that is taking you there is the one that can bring you back”, and if I had given up on my first week I would have missed on so much!
It’s so true time makes things better, so give it time, dream high, because let’s face it how high is high?